Psychedelic Experiments at the Edge of Consensus Reality
(a work in progress)

By Frater Al the Khemist

INTRODUCTION

IT is with great pleasure that I am able to say to you my learned readers, that the rabbit hole appears deeper than any of us seem to care to fall. Wonderland (Alice Ref) is waiting for us to swim across the seas of our mind, to return to a place both novel (McKenna ref), and which at the same time reminds one of Ithaca (Illiad Ref). And at the sametime it seems as nothing, just a collection of interesting experiences, that perhaps only the delusional would construe as meaningful. I acknowledge that after every journey, I am left washed up on the same original shore of my birth, as naked as I ever was. Wondering whether that self induced storm was a communique from the Other(McKenna Ref). If only I could clear my channels(Reich/Chakra Ref), perhaps I would be left with a more intelligent signal. If only I could decipher the static, then it would be worthwhile, my odyssey (Illiad Ref).

ABSTRACT

SOME might called them miracles, some might call them hallucinations, others by a myriad of personal descriptions, I prefer to label them as "phenomena", because as much as I like to speculate about them, I feel none the more an expert on them, than you might be. These phenomena, I sometimes call the "definitive breaks in the reality consensus", occur as episodes, and perhaps most controversially sombunall of the time as a direct manifestation of the psychedelic experience. Personally I have found nothing "works" quite as well as a heroic dose(H Ref) of an entheogenic substance, to create those mystical, spiritual experiences. I have found the other practices (Yoga, Meditation etc) for me serve as an adjunct to this peak experience, that they synergistically feed into each other. Equally I have found that the programmer addage "GIGO" (garbage in, garbage out) serves one well in the intervals between the "compiling" psychedelic operation.

I have tried to confine my written summation to those category of phenomena that display unusual properties, that would identify them as the major arcana of experience, next the minor (Tarot ref). That is to say, I have selected those experiences which I am most coherent about, and provide the highest factor of novelty/information.

THE EXPERIMENT

HOW I became intrigued and fascinated, with the psychedelic/magickal/hyperspatial world is another story.

It had been after a period of a couple of years doing all that I could to explore psychedelic spaces, to the fullest extent that I could, when I began to notice that there were periods of seemingly dream/unconsiousness/blackouts within the experience itself. At peak of the experience quite often there would be a period perhaps of what seemed like only a "no time" of "discontinuity". It was if there were things I had forgotten, or had been so overwhelming that they were a jumbled mess. Or as I am apt to say "Fell outside one's neurolinguistic
constructs".

It was into these cracks that I was to stare deeper. Having become convinced that these represented some novel aspect of the psychedelic experience, that might explain what appeared to be a peak of synchronicities during the experience. I was determine to investigate further. I studied harder, meditated longer, did all that seemed to work, in what became an obsession of sorts. As though if I could bring back something of worth, it might validate my existance, as well as bring me all the successes of the human game.

The next time I was more determined to be better prepared, not to confront the experience, that would be futile, and not to say, dualistic, which didn't seem to be appropriate to the situation, but to remain cognizant, as in the words of T. McKenna (whom I had not read at the time), "to bring back a fish of worth".

At first it was a case of remaining awake, and then holding onto to things that I experienced during what might be coined "moments of lunacy/lucidity."

With my mind's eye open I explored, and allowed myself to be transmuted by the experience (there has always for me been the sensation of a "hidden" complusion during the experience, that seems to eminate outside of the body and its environs. And indeed on occassions when I would allow oneself to be subsumed, it was though I were in some way possessed, yet at the same time totally unamoured/liberated/connected). I have continually found our languages seeming disposition towards isolating feeling/senses to one single construct at a time, most inaccurate in accurately describing the sensations. It seems to make more sense to apply a form of General Semantics to the descriptive process, saying that I was some of this, and some of this, and it felt a little of this, than the either/or up/down happy/sad cold/hot etc. Indeed often it felt as though these states were in some way transpersonal, and that how I defined the context of experience, would be determinate on what seemed almost arbitary and habituated thoughts of the mind/brain/consciousness, during and afterwards. But I will do the best I can to convey what I considered the hidden operations, rather than the "stage show"/surface representation.

As I have said, phenomena would occur.

Or rather I began to notice things that before I had seemingly deleted from my own recollection, as though they were just too fantastical or bizarre to be recognised. But at the same time it seemed as though it wasn't merely a case of entering into the crack, perhaps "that" hyperspace, but learning how to surf and fly at the sametime. To navigate the currents and eddy's to extends one proficiency in this realm, to learn how to finesse. It seems, or this is the paradigm I am currently working with, that the mind (consciousness, attention, awareness, will what have you) does seem to possess a quality like that we have have in our relationship with ourselves. It is both oneself, and has "limbs", extensions, in perhaps more classical magical terminology, it could be considered the "energy" (sic) body.

By trusting one's own intitution in this realm, whilst taking all that knowledge, and experience, that which constitutes oneself with one into this realm as well, - "hyperspace welcomes careful flyers", there seems an experience of being teached, how to be more. So I kept driving myself up against the gradient, absorbing and implementing all the information that my brain and body could find. Had it not been for an unfolding of what I considered transitory but illuminating experiences, like metaphysical arrows pointing the way towards what I thought of as the singularity, I wouldn't of devoted all my intelligence and resources to what seemed like the pursuit of pure lunacy, or at least at tangents to the current consensus reality paradigm. Particularly the act of sharing one's consciousness with other people was of profound revelation, for the first time perhaps since the womb, I didn't feel alone, although it can be a terrifying experience, being as though naked with each other. I had noticed through repeated experimentation that these phenomena, or synchronicities occurred with more frequency and novelty in relation to the number of participants. It seemed to make sense, we seemed to have some significant influence, if not the actual instigators, of whatever this phenomena/invisible landscape was that I was exploring. All my research seemed to point towards some action between the substantial (sacrament/psychedelic) and the insubstantial (mind, consciousness etc.), though I tried to remain aware of other possibilities, to keep in mind the Cosmic Schmuck principle.

Certain examples of this phenomena, watching time distort, while maintaining integral physical functioning, seeing things accelerate and move in correlation to what was occuring on the "inside". If I noticed this occuring, the discompassionate observer kicking back into operation, either it would dissapate or accelerate to a point were I lost consciousness. Or I would come around, no longer with the same level of connection, or as I prefer to term it biofeedback with one's reality. I easily conceed writting this a few years hence that this could be easy explained away due to the potential synesthetic properties of psychedelics. Which is why I have merely skirted around these particular phenomenon, and personally drove me onwards, to find a more verifiably successful operation, to find techniques and finesses that could be communicated and utilised. Although liberating the experience itself wasn't satisfying, I wasn't merely content to play in my own private mind's world, I really was determined to find out how deep the rabbit hole was, and bring back the earth at the bottom to the light of the outside world.

So much of what I want to say seems to fall outside of my own neuro-linguistic capacity to communicate about these things. To speak without constantly falling into metaphor, and yet at the sametime convey the nuances of the experience occurring. It could be emphasised that there are many "schools", lineages, ways and such like, that place value and attention to remaining silent about these things. As though, either it should only be communicated amongst the initated, or not spoken about at all, the "tales of the inexpressable".

When I first attempted to communicate the things I noticed, or what had occurred to me, although I had a vivid mental picture, the memories if you will, nothing would come out of my mouth. Or to be precise when I did attempt to talk about these things I could only make what seemed like gutteral utterances, as though I had lost the power of speech. Talking about other things proved fine, yet when I attempted to communicate these "other" things I couldn't.

After a certain amount of time and practice, I began to discover that it was possible to speak in this "other" tongue. Although it seemed to have it own supersition of grammatix of its own. The closest analogy that I have found is that it is a sort of truth-saying. I imagine it is like those natives who couldn't see the European sailships when they arrived. Although in my
case, I could vividly see it so to speak, but lacked the language to converse about it.

EARLY TRANSITORY SUCCESSES AND ONE INTELLIGENT CONVERSATION

I remember being in the park with friends in a beshroomed state, whilst it gently rained around us, and yet we noticed that our skin and clothes were not getting wet.

Talking to people, without words, communication through knowing, a form of telepathy. Feeling their presence with one's mind.

Watching lights with a group of friends, dance in the sky in way no natural object could do, from the top of a tarn. Watching people behave in outlandish and bizarre ways, even though it was me that was "high", like driving people crazy.

I have had only had one vivid encounter with another "sentience", that I would describe as being as real as you and another person sitting in the same room, conversing. It was during the period where I was "trying the hardest" to manifest reality/objects, conjuring some might call it. I found it much seemingly easier to "call in" things that were contiguous with the present reality, and the easier to logically pertain the item, increased its occurrence. I noticed that seemingly I could get people to get for example a glass of water, by becoming fixated with this object. And although I would be "presented" the glass of water, without prompting and indication, it wasn't the effect I was seeking. Why there seems to be this "discrete principle" I don't know, perhaps it has something to do with the least requirement of energy, a "natural" law of conservation, though I have never been particularly at ease with this concept. The closest description I have been able to formulate that reality takes on the nature of our expectation, there seems to be some terra firma beyond the veil, a physical substrate, but its properties and states seem more fluid and malleable than we are accustomed to thinking.

During an experience with friends I found myself at right angles to the room, and it seemed from the normal presences I had grown accustomed to, the other people in the room. I had been chasing a thought in hyperspace, like a ripple, or a flutter-by, when pop I found myself exactly where I had been, but the entire invisible landscape had changed. Sitting there, or more accurately oscillating like a geometrical shape, between various permatations, imposed upon reality, seemingly both there and not there. Forming over the figure of one of the people in the room, it began to speak to me, though I have no recollection of being spoken too. It explained how I had to stop pushing things like I was doing, that it was having a detrimental effect on those around me, and to myself. That by distorting reality so much, I was forcing people, removing their individual rights. It made it apparent to me, that this intervention, it never said from which authority it came, either internal or external, was because I would end up causing results that I didn't want. Although I am obsessed by the end/singularity, the means never justify the end in my opinion, and I didn't want to "get there" on the wrecked psyches of my friends. Although the whole episode was rather mind-blowing, I agreed to "tone things down",
in exchange for a few questions.

"How is this possible?"

Categorically it explained that I wouldn't be able to understand the answer with the knowledge I had, it could show me, but like so many other experiences it would be meaningless without a capacity to put it into context. So I asked instead to explain it to me, like they would to their own young (at the time I was firmly convinced that this phenomena was not the product of a deranged delysid induced mind), to a child.

In response it said it was like this......

There is only one atom, one fundamental "particle" of energy in the universe. This "super particle" (sic) is travelling at faster than the speed of light. It "appears" to be many places at once due to the properties of physics that occur when something attains supra-luminal speeds. Things are its wake, it passage through space, the physical universe is its own entanglement, the blur it makes. Now essentially we are that blur as well, everything we see is, we are that same fundamental particle interacting withself, enfolding as it travels through space.

That was roughly how it was explained to me. And with that the oscillating geometrical multi-luminscent sentience which had been seemingly jumping from person to person in room, dissipated. Instead in my hand was left a bright spark, like a particle of light jumping around in my fingers, where it touched me I could feel it, although it wasn't there. I played with it for a while, before not knowing what else to do I swallowed it.

The number of times synchronicities would pound upon each other, it became obvious that this descriptive model was no longer adequate. It did not sufficently convey the underlying mechanisms, the wiring beneath the board, that was alluded to, that the episode seemed to trying to convey, some nebulous of information. Descriptions of the singularity, made me postulate that this thing was incarnate physically in our future, as it was echoing back through hyperspace, although I am beginning to think that it occupies the same space as ourselves, it sits alongside us through the ride in time and space, "a universe next door". Of course the sceptic in me says that it could be just the chemical excitations in our brain, but that doesn't seem to equate to the actual experience. Appreciating this reality seems to have done nothing to stop my brain screaming at me that something else is occuring, perhaps in conjunction, but not isolation, as a slip of on a tangent to the universe.

I have observed on occasion, objects in multiple states of existance. A glass would be empty, half full, or full depending on how I approached it. Depending from which angle I went to grasp the glass. That same evening my friend walking alongside me; after getting some cigarettes, and having the same money, he put in the machine, reappear in his pocket, tripped over a stool be both saw, but wasn't there. I have been in insane states of self obsessed boldness and stepped out into the street, only to have all the cars vanish, strutting around in my own aura. Note this is not recommended as a legitimate practice, don't do this at home. I am not saying that you should replicate my mistakes/follies.

THE NEVER ENDING BLIM OF HASHISH

I had always found the experience to be like a dance, between my mind and the other, so it was almost natural that I found myself at psychedelic parties (remember the effect of numbers, all that grey matter in a confined space) trance dancing, getting into the communal groove so to speak. There seemed to be a synergy, between the physical movements, the music, the gathering of people and the internal experience, something that seemed to be communally experienced as well. I also hoped to meet other like minded people whom I could share my research/experiences with, and perhaps maybe would have something to communicate in return. But this could be consider the dross to the actual phenomena.

What makes this experience so refreshing was that it was my partner who drew my attention to this phenomena. She had noticed that whilst being "high" things seemed to be at hand. This seemed to correlate with my own experiences of telepathy, and attempts to manifest objects. There seemed to be a way of interacting with reality in these states that made things as like wonderland, but not in the mere fascination by the way by which phenomena occured, but another way of operating. Reality could seemingly be bent, and subtly affected, little things could be taken and removed so to speak, so long as it seemed the integral structure was preserved. I suppose it could be called the simple manipulation of reality, getting to universe to accord with one's own will. As I have said before, I wasn't content to merely observe, my circumstance and inclination made me want to play and interact with this stuff. A mantra I repeated to myself inregards to these phenomena/experiences was "they don't teach you this at school!".

It was my partner who once we had got home, made mention of the never-ending hashish. She noted that after being given a piece by a friend, no matter how many pipes/joints she made it didn't get any smaller. By this time I was more than willing to go along with such lunacy. The actual piece of hashish was not more than half a finger tip sized, and didn't just rematerialize. By playing with hashish, by moving around one's finger, it would seem to oscillate, as though it fluctuated. Once a joint or pipe had been made, we would play with it, and it would seemingly grow back to original dimensions.

The strangest thing was the next day it didn't stop. Normally I had become accustomed to the phenomena dispersing after some time, a collapse back into mundanity, one could say. And so it carried on for another further few days, we didn't mention this phenomena, as we had noted that it could be disturbed by the observation of others. Almost as though that it was okay, as long as "no-one" noticed, slipping under reality's radar. It was to our sanity, that we had learnt, my partner and I, in these most careful of states, to bring the other's attention to the phenomena without collapsing it, to share it.

By the fourth day/waking period I certainly couldn't "take it" anymore, I felt as though my mind were unwinding, and something fundamental was coming apart. We talked, and we both sensed, that things were becoming strained, and neither was prepared for a "categorical break with reality", I suppose you could say I was scared, of it being, and not being, of what next so to speak. So we decided to end the experiment, we broke the hashish up into one final joint, used it all up, so it could come back, lit one last toke of that magic cannabis and let it become a memory. The experiment/episode was over.

The phenomena doesn't seem to occur in repetitious formulae, what might occur one time might not another. As I have said before, the phenomena seems episodal in nature, where you leave one, you seemingly take up another. It was this that made me feel as though there were some external intelligence directing the show (Thesedays I am more cautious about assigning things to things, that may or may not be there. I don't see other elves, I see people. Like occam's razor we could suppose that it makes more sense to assign the phenomena to our own brains than something other. Do we need to look any further thanourselves, and our own awareness for the demiurge?)

NOT-QUITE MANIFESTING DMTA little while later, a group of us had gather at my partner's and my home in the suburb of some forgotten industrial city, to try a little experimentation. We were all fairly open sort of people, and it was with a nature of curiousity that we gathered to take some psychedelics.

At some point later, I turned the nature of conversation around to consciousness, as I was want to do at the time. I postulatedthat we modified consensus reality (that we consider the physical real world) with our minds, that if one had sufficent X<Y>Z (imagination, will and awareness a Crowley inspiree might assign) it was possible to interact with it at a more subtle level, not just with our minds, but as we live our lives so to speak, with the breadth of sensory experience. The conversation hovered around what might be an acceptable proof of this, and as always I put forward the suggestion of manifestation. It seemed potentially to provide the greatest symbological product, something tangible to interact with. Now getting various people to suspend their disbelief and just engage in the possibility often can be hard enough, to get enough consensus amongst people to "allow" the phenomena "the formality of occurring". But everyone seemed willing, although entirely unsure how to proceed with such an operation, it seemed possible but no-one else seemed inclined to volunteer any methodology. For me this was perhaps as novel as it was for everyone else, and with a little encouragement from my partner, I volunteered to at least attempt, and potentially make myself look like a fool. Which always is a risk with these operations, as by no stretch of the imagination would I consider myself adept, rather an "interested amateurish dabbler" in such occultish things. I settled on DMT as the thing to manifest, particularly because I had never come across any before, and just had read and heard strange psychedelic tales about it. It seemed to offer in terms of psychedelic exploration the next level, and I was curious to know if this was the case, would it be an even greater catalyst? I knew it was the world's most powerful(sic) psychedelic substance, but other than it was crystal, and could be derived from various organic sources, not much else. A little McKenna, a little shamanic literature on its use in ayahausca.

I began to concentrate, or not as may of been the case. Though it certainly felt like I was focusing my attention, particularly on my hand which seemed the most sensible recepticle for the potential ambrosia. The little glimpses, sparks of light, speckles of psychedelic mist, seemingly began to congregate in my vision, though hardly as impressively as can now be represented by post production computer effects. As they accrued themselves around my fingers, I could feel some sensation, as like a form of pins and needles, as though these things seemingly touched my nerves as they flitted around.

I proceeded to stare attentively at the phenomena, doing and not-doing all that could to nuture it, to make it more real. After sometime what looked liked furry crystals began to seemingly grow from my fingertips, they possessed that etheral quality of both being there and not being there at the same time. It reminded me of brown iron fillings caught in a magnetic field, as they seemingly grew out from inside of my skin.

As I became convinced that there were these crystalline structures, a piece of orangey brown red plastic strip floated what looked like out of the air and came to rest on my fingers. The crystals disappeared, or seemed to collapse into the thin strip, which I immediately and instinctive began to handle. Perhaps this was it, what I had been looking for.

But wait, it was a piece of plastic like orangey brown red substance how could this be it, what I was looking to manifest. This could be DMT, this couldn't be the thing I wanted to manifest, it seemed like the antithesis of what I was attempting, rubbish in the my hands. I always imagine DMT to pure white crystals, and the colour seemed to offend, as though it was dirty. A friend asked me what was in my hands.

Looking at the plastic, crumpling it in my hands, I dropped it to the floor, "Nothing but rubbish" I replied disappointedly. The moment had passed and the episode was over.

EPILOGUE

A few years later, a comrade came back from Australia during his emigration over there from here, and brought back someB* W* G* (apply to third eye its label proclaimed), having been assured that it was what he wanted, that most seemingly rarist of psychedelics. During a visit to ours he professed that he would like to do it for the first with myself and my partner, both of us were honoured to be "invited", as it would also be our first time as well. When he passed the baggie to me I couldn't believe my eyes, here was a gum/extract of the same colouration as that in my memory's infamous experience, and failed experiment. Scrapping it out from between the plastic sheets it was squashed between provide a similar cluster/floration that reminded me of the crystals I had envisioned growing from my fingers. And then there was the smell! When I placed the pipe in my mouth, and vapourised the DMT, the taste of burning plastic was overwhelming, the smell filled my head... It was almost as though if I hadn't of "freaked out" during that other experience, then maybe..........

As it was I settled into myself, thankful that I was at last smoking that which I had re-searched for years, I let the sensations wash over me, and see what it had to teach/show me.

TELEPATHIC CONVERSATIONS WITH THE CORNERSHOP KEEPER

I would be left with a sense of importance, and perhaps this was one of the most valuable things that magic mushrooms ever had to share/teach/show/guide. That I was valuable, perhaps it could be said, loved by the hidden universe (the one thats everywhere, and is self-evident, but doesn't seem to exist at all). That what I did, although it had no direct impact on the universe, much like the workings of a sorcerer, the magus performing his rituals, but was important none-the-less, contributing to collective whole/awareness/experience. The repeated experience, of being connected to everything else, in a suprasensory fashion, had seemed to teach me that there were other ways of interaction. Perhaps a nice metaphor, would be, I get the chance to slip into people's dreams, perhaps I am just kidding myself. It certainly seemed fantastical to me, and it was about to get even more so. I have always been fascinated by space travel, from being curled up on the sofa with my mum watching Star Trek, eating jelly babies, to being kept up late one night by my Dad to watch the first shuttle lanch. He said that people had been to moon, but hadn't been there since I was born (now I am showing my age), I never understood that, I still don't. It hadn't disappeared had it, it was still there at night?

I wanted to get off planet, part of the attraction of UFO's, was the possibility of TWOC'ing a spacecraft, and going for a joy ride. I had a close encounter of the fourth kind with some friends a few years before, it was like a taster of the possibility. We had got a little freaked out at the time, and an important component seems to be about not losing one's cool, in the face lunacy. Something about the person who freaks out, just hasn't passed the Acid Test springs to mind. It was to this end, I was projected my mind/awareness/energy body/consciousness. I would of done about just anything, partly because my temperament had change from caring about the rest of the pack (is this planet of the apes, so some say). Let them wallow in their shit, and suffering, I just wanted the formality of occurrence, a journey to match those in my imagination. That would make me feel as alive and challenged creatively as the psychedelic experience.

There seemed to be some factor in silencing the internal dialogue, that enhanced one's experience of mundane reality. A situation I found easier in the aftermath of the psychedelic experience. Perhaps it would be more generally recognised as an alternative state of consiousness (there might be a left-right stimulation brain situation involved, unfortunately I never had access to the correct devices to corroborate this hypothesis. Or to analysis which brain-wave state, frequency, these thoughts seem to occupy.)

It was with this peculiar frame of mind, that I wander the hundred yards from our home, to the cornershop, I think looking to sate my nicotine addiction. Mentally projecting the fact that I was telepathic to all and sundry, in absolute silence. It seems as though ones attention, centre of awareness is residing in one frontal brain, I suppose where the third eye is. But it is like a sonic eye, invisibly glowing outwards, as the vedas say, the eye that projection reality out in the split second before it recieves the signal back.

I found myself staring (though remembering to also have some semblence of a smile, so not to shock the local populace. It helped to generally disarm people, and get along I have found.) at the old asian/indian gentleman. I hadn't said anything, and part of my mind, wondered whether in a hashish haze; just how long I had been standing there, it couldn't be that long could it?

Then he said

"I know you are telepathic"

WTF i thought

"Listen I know you think that is important, but I there is something I should show you! Please pay attention, and keep quiet, and listen to what I have to say."

My smile must of been wiped away, and I wondered whether I was going to collapse to the floor. Thankfully a part of me was saying, stay cool! 'This is what you wanted, now play your part, and don't freak out.'

"There is something I want to show you in this book I am reading. You have heard of the Gita?"

Reality steadied itself in my head, as there was something I could relate to. I had read the Baghavad Gita several times, Krishna's listening to Arjuna on the battlefield. I also wondered whether Krishna was wrong, whether Arjuna could have refused to fight, and become a pacifist, a prehistoric Ghandi. It had all seemed so deterministic/fatalist.

"Yeah, I have read the Baghavad Gita a couple of times" I replied, thankful that my consumption of books, had provided me with some sense of normalcy.

"No, not the Baghavad Gita. The Srimad Bharatham/Ramayanam Gita?(Note: I can't precisely recall the name of book). It is one of the earlier stories than the Bhagavad." He responded, shaking his head. Reality once again was whipped away from my feet.

"No, I haven't." I replied.

"Well neither have I, but I am reading it at the moment. I don't normally read a lot of spiritual books, I am not that sorted of person, but someone lent me a copy of the book, and said I should read it." He turned to his side, and pulled out a book from beneath the English language tabloid that hid it. "I really think it is important that you should read this! I don't know why, but it is should."

He began to leaf through the pages, whilst I was wondering whether all the rest of it could be true as if, if this experience was real, and I wasn't even tripping.. I couldn't wait to get home and tell my partner about this one, the man in the shop said I was telepathic, and I didn't even say anything!

It took a minute or two to find it, which just goes to show, that things don't quite transpire with the artistic touch of the celluloid illusion/film. Infact I remember a customer coming into the shop, and the strange, but normal touch of normality. He looked at me to keep quiet, and slid the book out the way, and served the guy.

But I had plenty to occupy my thoughts, just wondering what he was going to show me, it had to be pretty synchronistic it, whatever it was.

"Ahhh! Here it is", he said, disrupting me from my ruminations, "This passage here, start here, and read for the next page or so." He laid the book open, turned towards me.

I started to read.

I will try and regurgitate to the best of my abilities what it said. I haven't read the section since, though I confess I haven't come across the book itself again.

"And the yogi went upto the top of the mountain."

There was something about perhaps meditating there, being taken up into the sky, about taking some 144,000 comrades/friends/loved ones/fellow devotees/followers. The passage seemed to refer to the future, though that could be an imposition in hindsight by my memory.

It went on to talk about when and if the Yogi (I had in recent years changed me name to Yo'dhe, very similar in sound to my birth name, but symbologically full, a self-incantorary/begetten name I thought) I wondered, in the context of my supra-ego (sic) whether it was a self-identifing piece of prose, as though I was reading something that had been written with me in mind. It went on to say when this Yogi left from the top of this mountain (I have a story about this totem, for another place and time), with his
loved-ones, that the Earth would be destroyed in fire as a direct consequence.

It was as if the universe was asking how badly I really wanted this fantasy/reality selection. Would I be prepared to take the responsibility in exchange for escaping with some others, to see everything else get annhiliated. I read on.

It talked about how the Yogi, and his comrades, would live in peace and harmony, travelling amongst the stars, with the other creatures/denizens of heaven/outer space. And how they would live for something like 10 to the power of 8, thats like 100,000,000 years or something, man thats as near damn it as immortal to make it really enjoyable being in this body/construct/incarnation. Like you could have everything, a luciferian deal, in exchange for destroying the world, you can get off. It didn't make it clear whether it was a direct result (though i interpreted as such) of escaping, a consequence, or a coincidence/synchronistcy, but it did make it clear the world would get destroyed. In my head there was the mental question, as though from Other/Galatic Coincicidence Command (Lilly Ref), was this an equitable trade?

I didn't read on, I think that it where it came to an end, it was enough for me.

"Well what did you think" he asked, taking the book back, and stashing it away.

"That's a lot to think about."

He smiled "I suppose it is."

I the time afterwards I thought it wasn't a equitable transaction, now I am wondering whether the offer is still on the table.

I never had the courage to speak to the asian man. in that particular way. I certainly felt a little foolish afterwards, as I am want to do. After an experience like that, I am sometimes left at a loss what to say.

METAMORPHOSISING PEOPLE AND THE GIRL WHO WALKED THROUGH WALLS/WORLDS.

I see reality ripple, comparable to that effect you can see in the Predator (Ref) movies. Like an supersition of oscillating jewel, perhaps it might be orgone (Reich Ref). I also describe it as magic, or the sensation of reality changing, becoming malleable, like a taste, as though there is a smell in the air, something but nothing determinately identifiable.

I like the hypothesis of multiple worlds, it feels as though I have some input into the selection of which one is playing to me, I am observing. But that part of my paradox, as it seems there is a critical issue of the nature of the observer seemingly have an influence on what is being observed, by the process of "placing one's attention" upon it. The biofeedback process I have referred to of before. It is for this that friends have warned me from time to time, that I seemed to be a left-hand path magician. I seeked less for the optimal reality, though that was certainly a part of it, I just felt as though I was utilising the fine edge of the sword of discretion (Ref Jnana Yoga). I wanted to manipulate/selected those realities that although beneficial for everyone else, where of optimal efficiency for myself. I had learnt to live without any attachments, but found that if I wanted a certain level of comfort in my life, I needed myself to become attached to a certain level of physical/financial security(1st Circuit Ref). Though I have learnt it is perhaps wise, to look for the best in people (which is different from inherently acting as though they are).

This technique seems to work best with people who you don't know well. It makes a sort of tautological sense, as it seems to be easier to affect that which represent a higher order of the unknown than the known. As though the sense of familarity raise the amount of energy required for the reaction to take place, and the metamorphosis to occur. Of course, equally, it might be the reasoning of a delusion mind, drug addled/information crazy brain, fitting the situation into its psychotic story. (Jung Ref)

It also seems to happen only when one is high, and I mean REAL FUCKING HIGH. Not exclusively on the more powerful psychotropic substances, although a claim for cannabis/THC falling into this category could be made. It seems as though it is a process, that one calls into being, but repeated observation, each time bringing it more and more into consensual reality. A fragile no-thing, that has an alarming tendency if ill-handled to collapse into mudane circumstance. Lure fish to the shore, as we repeatedly
cast our net out in the ocean of the psychedelic experience (McKenna Ref).

By observing these changing realities, one can catch a glint, and wait for another, to reinforce the first impression that there was something there. Then by catching the mind in a certain state, it feels as though one can collapse the reality equation so to speak, in a certain way as to make something "real". I noticed this phenomenon particularly to people's face, and in particular with jewlery, body adornment. It seems possible to decorate one's environment, in certain configurations. As though it is this way, and not that. It should be politely conscrecated by sharing that observation with another, with some decorum and compassion. Especially to those been observed.

On another occassion with my partner, we sat in a friend's house at a psychedelic after-party. Talking about how we both noticed these phenomenon, and what we were actually observing seeing at the time. We watched and talked, as someone trousers, changed from plain cloth, to a camoflague print, and then as he came closer, into purple combat trousers (definately my partner's touch!)

One time, when my partner was absented, at the start of our courtship (she was visiting France, with a friend) I was invited to a party at a squat town house in the west-end of N---------- (edited). And man I was off my tits, with reality seemingly oscillating, and my eyes unable to keep still due to the effect of ecstasy pills. Having observed things, repeated change with increasing frequency over the years, on various occasions, I was holding onto the notion, that although the physical reality was malleable, there was some sanctity of consciousness, a property of the invisible landscape (T.M Ref), a discrete unit of sentience, one's own supposed coherence/consciousness I suppose fundamentally. The rest of the universe could slip and slide, but surely I had some atomic component of self!

It was wrestling with this connumdrum, that I saw what appeared to a young lady walk out of the wall. As though circumstance were emulating thoughts in my mind. There's that damn seeming synchronicity between thought and phenomena again! Though when I ook at the evidence as a whole, it seems to be not that impressive, but there is a quality to the experience, that as I have said before, that makes it episodal. As though there is something that defines the circumstances; it could be the drugs. But it seems too reductionistic an explanation to limit the definition to this context.

There was someone there, who wasn't there before. Can I be sure, I wasn't making it, interpreting the data incorrectly, no I can't. But that is what my senses/experience seemed to scream at me. As though even there wasn't that sanctity of consiousness so to speak. It seemed implicit that as easy it was to walk out from walls, it might be to vanish into the void. Nothing an experience that I was attracted to. What made the event novel, was meeting the young lady on a few occassions afterwards on the street,
or on one's travels so to speak. She stopped me, to speak to me. She wanted to thank me for saving her that night. She said she had just broken up with her boyfriend, and I had saved her (her words not mine), by talking to her that evening. Conversations that I can't remember, I never saw her again. I wondered if she slipped through another wall to another world, the universe-next door (RAW ref)

There have been several occasions where I have had a recurrence of this experience, several times in the intervening years. I am never sure, whether I am making up these people, as I seem to know them, without having met them. Perhaps they are like the walk-ins (Ref) that I have read about. Perhaps I was interpreting the data merely to best of neurological constructs, and something else entirely was occuring. That is also a possibility, another pookha (Sirius RAW ref) It might be some sort of telepathy, it feels as though they are using my brain to create themselves, to give themselves definition/depth/cohesion. It hasn't been the first time that reference to demonology crossed my thoughts. Although Anterro Ali's advice in Angel Tech always resonate with me, of not dealing with disincarnate entities as a general piece of advice. Of course as I get to know some of them, they seem less and less fantastical apparitions, complete with experiences and histories, as though I perhaps have stepped equally into their reality, as they become friends.

On a note of caution. And although I only have my own experience of this, and again it might be the over-interpretation of the brain, I feel I should say it. It is possible to "crash the UFO" so to speak, to collapse the interplay of the multiverse, in a fractured way. Perhaps this is the root of sombunal mental disturbance attributed to prolonged/experimental usage of psychedelics. That it mind is caught in some distrubance of sort, an electrical storm, a corruption of the operating system, due to the influx of neuro-modulators. I admit again I am speculating here, and hope that oneday I will have access to the resources to carry out some scientific tests in relation to this. Who really knows, but that does deter the interested from making their investigations, such as myself.

One collapses reality, gets caught by the chapel perilous (Ref), in an inappropriate way. I think on more than one occassion in my learning/experimentation this has occured to me, and gives positive impetus to reinforcing those life-affirming habituations (diet, meditation, ways and practices etc). It occurs when I can feel this point of awareness, that seems to exist in a continuum of now-ness, that is revealed in the psychedelic state, or one is sufficently unburdened that one notices the phenomena, way of observing. It is me, I am both in of it, and out of it, feel myself contrawise. And then there is this other to it. I can move this point of nothing, and seemingly disperse it over myself generally though I equate this to a less observatonal role, and a narcotic sensation? The dullness of awareness, though pleasurable/contenting in its own fashion. In my reading of literature from the Golden Dawn Era (Ref), particularly afaik Matthers, this school of body would perhaps call it the energy body. It seemed to exist, I could feel it, I could move it, as I would move my own body, though it would not necessarily follow it. I could place it at the front of my brain, and it would feel like it was my third eye. I could move it around my body, and feel sensations and effects as it moved through corresponding areas. Howeverwhilst following it, moving it around, I have had disjarring experiences, where it feels as though I have jumped from one area to another, a break of sorts. I have had corresponding muscular spasm, sudden cramp/locked tension etc, where I seem to have pushed myself to far. The link although internal and seemingly uncommunicable to others, between mind and matter seems affirmed. But I have done myself injury, and damaged myself on a few occassions. "Hyperspace welcome careful drivers".

Ohhh how I hate those cautionary paragraphs, I want it all to be wonderful, but the gnostics saying "As above, so below." (So below, as above) seems to be resonant with myself. Perhaps this is a metabelief (Lilly Ref), a chakra blow-out!

CONCLUSION

By now you will have noticed that there seems to a be theme running through what I have written, and this is the prodominant role of drugs/entheogenics/nootropics/psychedelics/plants/medicines as a privotal mechanism of my experiences. Nothing seems more controversial in the counter-culture than this proposition, that they "work", as a natural tool that we have evolved alongside. It seems prefectly natural in order to become something more than what one was, something external is required, a catalyst/ritualistic sacrament of sorts. The fact is that it is NOT a placebo, unlike most religion, politics, and other mechanisms which seem designed to inhibit/define our experiences, rather than provide an intelligent mechanism for exploration and growth. If there is some higher order of truth out there, then we will each discover it in our own way. You don't need to be guided to find it, as if it is "real", it is a part of the invisible landscape, and you stumble upon it as the territory and not the map.

I have spent considerable time vexing with this issue myself, whilst the mind/consciousness seems to be the "hidden variable", it doesn't exist in isolation, and there needs to be some substrate for it to act upon, and be acted upon by. It seems that the brain/body organism is this substrate that allows us to interact, though seemingly not exclusively with what we call "consensus reality".

Personally I haven't been able to resolve this conundrum, but sufficent to say that everyone must develop their own techniques and tricks for themselves (remembering to share them with each other along the way! There's seems to be no secrets in hyperspace, just techniques, and finesses). And remember everyone's set of tricks, is just that, their own set of tricks, just because it works for one, doesn't mean it necessarily works for all.

So what is my pookha, my favourite construct that I try and appreciate the experience with at the moment. (Mostly I speculate between in those time between experiences, it would seem a waste of the experience itself to be spent in such introspection) If I was sirius (and I am not, only serious) I might construe it like this.

There seems to be a hyperdimensional object/reality that co-exists alongside the now-ness, the physical actuality that is the temporal-spatial things we call the universe. It could be described as a UFO flying alongside my life, a metaphysical representation of the Other/Hyperspace/The Universe-Next-Door (as you can see, I haven't had enough experience yet to successfully determine my own better description for this thing). When I partake of psychedelic, I see this psychedelic mist, veil of jewel, ripple out of my vision. As though I can see the space between everything, or as I have thought "everything is breaking up into fractals". This signifies to me the emergence/conjunction of these "worlds"/realities/dimensions. Astrology perhaps is some reference to this actuality, and the set and setting nature of the experience, could potentially be influenced by these things. In the most intense experiences, I finding the synathaesic effects, quite disturbing, and find McKenna's, amongst other (Ref), advice apt "To be taken, in a darkened room, behind closed eyes." To remove the attachments of samsara (Ref Bagha Gita) from ones experiences, which allows a depth to the experience. I perfer to do my magic away from other people physically, as I don't want to disturb them when I am raising up my own cone of power (Ref), experiment with things. It seems a little crass to impose the potentiality of what I am writing about on the uninformed/unconsenting. It seems an impersonal thing, in that I wouldn't describe there being on omnipresent being, aside from myself, we all seem present in our highest form, and I can see why it might be described as our collective consciousness. But not a singular Lord, or God, but ourselves as that. But no wiser than our collective whole, no greater at expressing itself, than the capacity we individually and collectively have. No perhaps driving personality, that could too easily be a tyrant. Then there are other occasions, that I reckon I must not be alone, and along comes a trickster being/god(dess) as though to full the role. I try and refrain from certain speculation, and hold the abstract constructs instead, perhaps somethings remain incommunicable.

Perhaps they don't.

This part of my story in the tale of the tribe,

Create thyself or be divined/defined.

Immantize your own eschaton. Perhaps it has already happened, or always is, and this is just like a dream, that are the crystallisations of our thoughts (the journey of a billions year old planet/solar system/galaxy/multiverse). It seems easier to slip things into reality, to add to what it already there, and equally to modulate what is there, than to impose and destroy with the mind. I enjoy creating stuff, changing it around, I always have as a child.

As we change our thoughts/perspective perhaps we are changing the dial on reality.

Perhaps...

perhaps...

maybe.

It is worth investigating, and there is some commonality of experience, that stands up to inspection. A higher order of beauty/truth.

maybe..

Choose your own reality. And share your discoveries.