HOLeY BIBLE (Part Two)

Hang-ups - The Software:

Reality is an ellipsoid of progress that has two vertices: that which is occurring, and that which is possible. The sphere is a fallacy – our attempt to constrict our concepts of existence to spherical notions is crippling our evolution. When so many factors set out to hinder our progress, one must wonder who gains most from our stagnation? My guess is that it is those who are already in control and aware that our progress would awaken us to the needlessness of our servitude to them. They have become too dependent on us to be able to afford our realized independence from them. They have programmed a Conditioned Response Program (herein referred to as CRP) to override our Biologic Response Program’s (BRP) natural tendency to improve and advance. BRP is the full sense of biological rhythms with nature. CRP tells you that you must restrict and restructure that nature.

A house divided shall not stand – they have divided our conscious between what seems naturally right and programmed right – they have divided us against each other by programming destructive competition instead of symbiotic cooperation as our accepted form of progress. Thus, we focus our energy against our inherent thoughts and our desires to connect with our cohabitants. Left to be tattered shards of the super beings we could have become – we numbly and thoughtlessly continue to serve the reality constructs of the programmers –

Any discomfort we feel within our shekels is directed inward or at each other – This disharmony is further used to perpetuate the accepted need for this governing body that must protect you from man’s violent nature that government produced in the first place. Are we all at the hands of Iagos? Othello complex: Seeking the cure in the cause of your disease just as Othello sought a solution from Iago who was devising all Othello’s problems. Iago Complex: Defect of species becomes resentful – deceives superiors into submitting to their designs and destructs those who surpass him.

But the people will no longer be your play things.

Can they awaken to their individuality? Can they imagine their own creations? Will they vainly only attempt to control each other in the manifestations of their new realities? Why must this toxic thought continue – what fuels it? What defect exists within our DNA that forces us to tread on each other so? Could it be overcome? All the sickness – all the sickness . . . People are hung up on the security, possession, and permanence illusions.

Permanence Illusion:

They invest in Familiarity – Nostalgia, stability, routine, ritual – the feel that everything will stay the same. Change is the only constant: The expectation for anything to remain one way is insanity. You are the sum of all your experiences – the more you experience, the more you change. Everything is experiencing different things everyday. Like the earth – we are shaped, smoothed, and chiseled gently by some elements over time and torn and tossed by other elements in an instant. All our encounters shape us as we change shape we change perception and continue to evolve into the being the universe needs us to be. The attempt to create stability is counterproductive to the dynamic, fluid, growing nature of existence.

Security Illusion:

They invest in security and strive for it when it is always an illusion – illusionary walls don’t protect you from anything but your own paranoia. You can never be completely secure – everything can be permeated – there is a crack in everything! Don’t believe me – just ask the casualties of the Titanic or the Escapees from Alcatraz or your buddy in Airport Security – None of them will breathe a word of rebuttal to that. You’re more at danger of stupid accidents than premeditated acts. At any moment, a thousand things could kill you – all the safety you create is still at the mercy of chance. We strive for it with such gross determination that we make ourselves sick and instable from within – No walls we build around ourselves can protect us from the crumbling we begin within. Oh yeah, but that’s what Zoloft is for.

Possession Illusion:

They invest in property – home, excessories, play things, impress things, people things that can never and will never belong to anything. Free radicals exist on all levels and bounce into bonds until they shake everything loose. Everything you think you have can detach from you with the help of a single subtle external force – and you’re surrounded by those all the time despite how much you’ve invested in the security illusion.

Time to free up some of that memory, let go of these ancestral hang-ups and make room for some upgrades – switch around some 0s & 1s and customize your consciousness a bit, what do you say?

Happy Journal of a Mad Scientist

One effect of the CRP (Conditioned Response Program) is to create the illusions of walls around a person blocking him/her from knowing the full extents of his or her possibilities. Hallucinogens, meditation, and experimentation serve as wrecking balls against these illusionary walls. Thus, experimentation with hallucinogens followed by meditation on the results is a methodology I utilize to disentangle the BRP (Biological Response Program) from the CRP and identify important components of each of them. If we are all machines, understanding our programming and determining what to keep and what to put in the recycle bin may be our only chance to obtain individual human consciousness. Plus, it’s the fun way to get through all this meta-putty on a weekend.

Equation for Enlightenment

I was shroomin' at a punk show in Bakersfield & flirting with the girl at the bar to give me some water. They were supposed to try to sell us bottled water, but she was kind enough to offer me a cup of ice. She filled a Styrofoam cup with ice & wrote the word ICE on it & said, "Here, I'm going to give this to you & what you choose to do with it is up to you."

Well, being in that oh such a glorious & epiphany producing state, I felt like there was so much power in what she said & that she was empowering me with all the possibilities in the world in that cup of ice. Naturally I had to do more than just suck on them. So I played & went around giving people ice & cooling off my face & head before going down to the stage & putting it in people's shirts & doing anything I could possibly think of with it. All the while thinking - this is it - everything is transitional like ice to water to humidity - which is why NOTHING EVER IS. And I wanted to keep this cup in honor of the Shaman bartender, but I realized that would never happen at this show. Which (how annoying) is symbolic of how we try to keep all things in their original states, even when they become obsolete. So I tore out the word “ICE” from the cup, put that in my pocket and got rid of the rest. All that matters is the message, right? Information passed.

All our bodies are pushed together so tightly that we almost create a solid mass . . . BUT . . . if you maneuver just right - knowing that the bodies are separate even if only the tiniest space is possible between them, then you can make you're way through that giant solid mass like osmosis to a less crowded area (which of course I did cause I like my lungs).

I was taking note of this & thinking that all solids are like this - but comprised of cells rather than beautifully decorated sweaty bodies. Then I thought of John Dillinger walking through the walls (osmosis = through the cell wall, Dillinger walked through a prison cell wall, hmmm) . . . and get this . . . I look up & ahead of me is a brick wall with the word FLUID carved into one of the bricks.

So maybe, he who has reached the peak of cellular communication is the great magician who can explain to his cells that they're going to spread out just enough to get through the space in the wall because it's really just a dense fluid and come back together on the other side of the wall.

Don't worry I'm not going to try it . . . but I am going to start to try to get to know my cells better . . . it may come in handy as more barriers are imposed.

Mushrooms + Ice + Punk Show = All anyone needs for enlightenment.

Everything is perfect; nothing matters . . . not even matter. All we are is a bunch of space & particles that take everything way too seriously. So don’t take life so personal, you’re just a bunch of cells being overly dramatic. Chill – haha!

Formal Experiment #1: Extended Metaphors

Hypothesis: Democracy in America is a failed marriage of the polar entities Lady Liberty, and Master Government; the divorce process will get ugly and be hard on the kids.

Materials:

One Decorative Halloween Torch
One Full Size Mint colored sheet
One Statue of Liberty Crown
4 AA Batteries
1 Phillips Head Screw Driver
1 Dose of Ecstasy
1 Magic Marker
1 Piece of Cardboard (can use torch box)
1 Belt-like article

Procedures: Time is Saturday Night before Halloween (4 days to election 2004) 8pm-ish to start. Place: (In order to get a good sample of average children of the couple, we went to a tourist city in a swing state – varied subjects surrounded us here) Las Vegas.

Assemble torch using batteries, screwdriver, & torch instructions.
Use the Magic Marker to write the following on your piece of cardboard: “IF BUSH STAYS, I GO.” This message suggests the children must choose to live with either Mommy or Daddy.
Drape the sheet around body, use belt-like item (used yellow CAUTION tape) to tie the sheet together around waist. Now apply the crown & try to look cute.
Walk out onto the strip from the Stratosphere to the Paris & observe the reactions of your subjects to the stimulus from an objective point of view.

Observed Results

Subjects reacted as follows:

“Yeah, Fuck Bush!” approximately 24%
“See ya/Then Go/Bye/Where you gonna go?” approximately 26%
“God Bless America!” about 26%
“We love you Statue of Liberty!” about 6%
“Please don’t go Statue of Liberty!” about 6%
“I like your message.” About 6%
“Would you like a drink?” about 4%
“You lookin’ good Statue of Liberty; that pussy be jammin’” about 1%
“Did you see what her sign said? You should go beat her up.” about 1%

Notes: Two gangsta’ type, actually stopped their car, & turned down their system to yell, “Yeah, fuck Bush!” The “God Bless America” people said it enthusiastically, supportively, and flirtingly, usually accompanied by a big hug & kiss. Many subjects did not verbally respond, but their facial expressions changed from delight upon seeing the costume, to disgust upon seeing the sign. I really did hope that someone would try to fight me, just cause I thought it would be metaphorically hilarious – none of the subjects provided that response.

After a few hours, drop the E & begin observing subjects from the perspective of the stimuli (Lady Liberty’s point of view).

Observed Results:

I’m sitting at a black jack table with some friends I just made that night & will never see again when the chemicals begin to take effect. I think I have to pee – I just did not too long ago. When I’m on E, I can never quite tell if I really have to pee, or if I’m just acutely aware of my urethra. Either way, it’s always fun to get away & spend some quality time with myself alone. Bathrooms are always the liminal space, & one of the few places left where we can get some privacy. Our species tries to be sophisticated by hiding all its lingering animalistic behaviors (eating, excreting, humping). I’m sitting on the toilet; I pee a little & think I might have to poop. I get a little excited at the realization that I’ve never shit while I was on E before, & it might be an interesting sensation. It was no fun at all. I feel like I have a golf ball in my ass, but all I can squeeze out is two teeny tiny turdlets – plink, plink. My sphincter is just not cooperating; I tell ya, sometimes it could be such an asshole! I conclude that I must be constipated due to caffeine withdrawal since I didn’t get my 3 shots of espresso that morning. Caffeine could be one ugly drug (the worst one I use). I finally wipe in defeat, wash my hands & adjust my sheet, tape, & crown. I try to look presentable, or at least as presentable as a rolling, constipated Statue of Liberty can look. I check myself out, and think I still look hot – women can pull anything off . . . yes even that thing – you dirty, dirty boys! And I’m ready. In walked Clark Kent, and out walks Nietzsche’s Super Man, Mandelbrot’s Chaos Theory of Numbers, The People’s Mobile Statue of Liberty . . . . Or just Eva David, high & in costume – Cosmic Dandruff with lofty aspirations & delusions of grandeur.

Now I go back into the town and I am Lady Liberty. I’m walking along with my sign in hand & torch held high, when these two guys with cameras come up to me & say, “you gotta come talk to us.” They’re doing this documentary called Swing States & they interview me. Some of my people tell them I do this song, so they invite me back up to sing it. I’m standing in the middle of the strip, with a huge audience, microphone in one hand, torch in the other & I belt out my punk national anthem, “Let Freedom Rage.” My voice sounds like shit, & my mouth is so dry; but it felt so good to scream that song out as the Statue of Liberty – and so absofuckinlutely appropriate!! Then I got to go to a club & party and dance with a bunch of people who were fun & on mom’s side. How do I get so lucky?

Conclusion: Inconclusive data suggests it will be a messy divorce; brothers & sisters will be separated in choosing freedom vs. familiarity. Mom will probably sleep around for a while, dad will beat the kids, and the kids will grow to be dysfunctional parents themselves one day. Being a metaphor for a day is a total blast! Must try it again sometime – different day, different experiment, different metaphor.

All hail the scientific process!

Alternative Beginnings: New Creation Myths for you to Dismiss

These are for entertainment & demonstration purposes only. . . approved by the Better Bible Bureau (sponsored in part by FT YUP).

Etch-a-Sketch Creation Theory:

I used to like to make fun of Yahweh by likening him to a kid who doodles a picture (or existence) on an Etch-a-Sketch, is unhappy with how it looks, then shakes it all up & tries to start all over again. Who knew that I'd find more possibility than insult in this model . . . .

I was reading about Einstein's discovery of the notion of Fields that contradicts mechanical physics. The movement between masses was not constant, mechanical perfection created by god - as Newton suggested. Rather, there were many other forces outside of & inside the seemingly solid particles reacting towards each other & inspiring movement.

I think of creation as an agreement between imagination, space, particles, & energy - every part has consciousness & should agree into adhering to a form in order to come into existence. So like the Etch-A-Sketch model, the creator (imagination) projects an image or field (energy) to attract the dots (particles) to become some form amidst the space that looks like fun to all parties.

Twice beneath a space, out a sea close nearby, there was a particle named . . . well, nobody named it yet. This particle was just flowing along at the same rate as and equidistant from all the other particles. Then, it decided to see if it could change its pace & possibly bump into one of those other particles out there. Variance led to interaction, interaction led to mutation, mutation began creation (or was it all just clumsiness?).

The Shake:

The problem with our universe, is that all things that take form & develop individual consciousness within that form forget that they are not incarcerated within said form. This is why Zen seeks to shed the ego - existence is all about identifying with different forms & transitioning from one to the other so as to not lose touch with universal consciousness. So, if we all refuse to leave a current form, motion ceases & we become stagnant. And stagnation, I think, might be the only evil thing in this universe (think about it, it's becomes the breeding grounds for all bad things - bacteria, mosquitoes, conservatives).

So once we become too stagnant, the universe steps in & shakes things up again - through death, discomfort, natural disasters, etc. So suffering is merely the result of resistance to transcend an obsolete form. Death liberates the dots from their imagined incarceration & allows them to move about the universe & choose the new form they'd like to join.

Example? Well, let’s borrow a character from that other Bible. Hmmm, how about the most eccentric, rebellious heretic they got? Eww, and let’s talk about the most gruesome celebrated story in there too:

Think of the Cross that Jesus dies on as a symbol of the X, Y Coordinates (+) in Space where Imagination, Particles, & Energy intersect to create a form. His whole message may have been that there is life beyond that form, that those particles can move to different X, Y coordinates to form a new equation that better balances the universe. So then nasty old stagnation would be the only sin he wanted to or needed to save us all from. We’re not nailed to a cross/form; we’re purely transitional. Maybe Jesus was just trying to say, “don’t get so hung up on death, that’s my job.” Heh, heh, heh . . . I know you think for sure I’m going to hell. Your forget my god has a great sense of humor.

Connect the dots, liberate the dots . . . everyone gets to play.

Okay, okay, so you want actual characters & a story line & familiar references . . . .

Paradise Reassessed:

Yahweh (the youngest yet most old-fashioned of all the gods) was glancing upon his modest planet pleased with the balance and the growing complexity of all the life forms he created. All the other gods and goddesses had already been through the phase of creating artificial god conscious – so they would only laugh at Yahweh if he tried it. They already recognized that all forms of artificial god consciousness repeated the same paths of self-destruction. No matter how perfectly they were put together, there natural reproduction would eventually lead to a few defective offspring that would introduce the four fallacies that would lead to their destruction:

Possessiveness: For some reason, most Habitual Underdeveloped Moderately Adaptable Narcissists (HUMAN) believed that one day, nature would not produce enough to sustain their needs. So they begin trying to learn how to control reproduction of those resources, how to collect & store those resources over time, and how to create new resources. The more and more HUMAN carried, the less they moved around. They spent all their time and energy securing a space where they horded all the resources they would need. These creature tendencies were harmful to all surrounding organisms as only after all value was extracted from a piece of land would the HUMAN migrate to a new area.

Phobias: Just as these creatures feared that resources would become scarce, they also developed a constantly rising amount of irrational fears that all the negative possibilities would ensue. They lost touch with the reality that motion could always transfer them to a more desirable state. Rather, they focused all their energy on maintaining a singular comfortable state. They grew to be distrustful of their fellow HUMAN, the gods, and the universe itself. They even grew distrustful of their own nature and begin creating Laughable Avoidance of Woes (LAW) to abide by instead of their biological tendencies. They became consumed with the attempted avoidance of death, disorder, and loss of their beloved possessions. The repeated reaction to these fears was to cling to everything familiar and reject anything unknown.

Dominator Tendency: The more HUMAN believed that resources were limited and that everything was out to get them, the more competitive they became. They believed that anyone who was unfamiliar would try to harm them and take their possessions. So they worked to display their ability to overpower others in order to discourage anyone from thinking they could overpower them. HUMAN felt they must choose role of oppressor or oppressed and acted accordingly forming dichotomies. This notion allowed them to justify destructing anything deemed foreign, unfamiliar, or other.

Resistance to Disorder: Every single HUMAN project fought desperately to eliminate disorder from their surroundings. Rather than accepting disorder as one of the many possibilities, they unsuccessfully insisted on designing their whole lives around the disabling of that possibility.

Time and time again, creation and creation again, this creature repeated the same failing systems. All forms of HUMAN suffered the same symptoms and shared the same tragic flaws. If Yahweh tried his own artificial god conscious project, the other gods would never let him hear the end of it. They love ragging on each other for their mistakes; they’re still laughing about the Greek & Trojan War. Still – he felt so lonely. He wanted a companion that couldn’t always give him shit about how green he was. He wanted someone with intelligence to look up to him with wonder, love, and appreciation. He wanted a pal/fan, a chum/subject, a bud/inferior. Then it wouldn’t matter what the other deities had to say (as long as his new admiring friend couldn’t hear). So he shrouded his planet behind a curtain and began experimenting.

He focused his consciousness while juggling some cells and projected an image for the cells to adhere to. In short, Yahweh materialized his imaginary friend. His creation began moving and making sounds, studying the movements of his own body, and looking about at the world around him. Then finally, he looked up at his creator. He was afraid for a moment, but the more he looked at him, the more familiar he became. He knew that he would be safe with this greater being. So he stared with wonder at his creator and smiled. Yahweh looked down and felt his heart fill with joy and love for this new companion. This would be the 1st successful HUMAN project and then all the other gods would finally have to show him some respect. He had to teach his HUMAN all the right things. He thought about teaching him to communicate in god conscious – projecting information. But then, the HUMAN might project destruction - or worse, the other gods might put counterproductive thoughts in his head – or even worse yet – They might teach him to also ridicule his creator. No. He’d create a language that only he and his creation could speak together. So he created the WORD and taught it to his creature which he named Man.

He walked with Man all about his garden and taught him the names of things and the nature of things and told him stories. Man absorbed everything joyously and gazed at his creator with ever growing awe. Then one day, Man began to feel emptiness within him. Yahweh sensed this and implored him. Man did not understand what ailed him, but he described a feeling of being incomplete. The more he explained, the more Yahweh understood that Man was experiencing the same loneliness he was feeling when he created him. But why should he? He was always kind and loving to Man (unlike how the other gods treated Yahweh). Why should he need more? Yahweh felt hurt and disappointed that his companion was not satisfied with their relationship. Maybe he wanted an equal, or a subject of his own? What if he liked this new creation more than he liked his creator? Then it struck him. He would make another HUMAN in the form of one of the other gods so that Man would continue to prefer his creator over this other being. He thought of the other gods and goddesses, and decided to model this new HUMAN after the Goddess of Chaos, and name her Woman for she will bring woe to Man. A few years with her, and Man would beg his creator to remove her. She would be the opposite of Man, and therefore, hideous to him.

Alas, Yahweh got to focusing again and materialized his imaginary adversary. Woman arose and looked at herself, looked at the earth around her, looked at the Man creature, then looked at Yahweh and smirked. Man was immediately mesmerized by her and afraid of her at the same time. She seemed familiar, yet she had this electric air about her that was different than anything he’d ever known. She walked away from both of them and began exploring the world around her. Man followed her intrigued by all her actions, Yahweh followed enraged by her lack of respect. He knew that Man delighted in the order that maintained the planet, so he figured LAW would be the dividing force that could make Man loathe her. He taught Woman the WORD, taught them both the LAW, and introduced them to the Tree of Knowledge. He knew if he gave Woman a limitation she would defy it. Then, Man would be disappointed in Woman’s refusal to honor a simple little exclusion to all their enjoyed liberation.

Woman, when created from the image of the Goddess of Chaos, was born with an older wisdom of all things. She immediately understood the form and function of her surroundings and the dynamic between Man and his creator. She understood the trap and the power trip, the naïve awe of Man, and the expected courses of action and reaction. She would spend some time with Man each sun cycle – feigning the same awe with which he regarded his creator. As he grew more comfortable with her, she explained that they should help the creator to maintain the order and balance of the planet. This was her chance to wander the planet alone in the joys of her own ponderings. She really loved studying the interaction of forms that maintained the balance of that planet. She walked by the Tree of Knowledge and saw that it was prolific with forbidden fruit. She wondered if the fruit might poison her, but she saw that ants ate of the tree and suffered no ill effects. If all forms within this planet shared exchanges that lead to perfect balance, why should this tree be demonized? What of its nature was so flawed that it shouldn’t be eaten from? Why does it remain here if it has no good to offer? She knew that it would hurt the trusting nature of Man and offend the prideful nature of Yahweh to ask either of them this question. She thought of the LAW, “Thou shalt not eat the fruit of The Tree of Knowledge; should your mouths touch those fruits, thou shalt surely die.”

Woman smirked again as she looked about her. She plucked a leaf off the tree and began chewing on a small bit. She walked around and started to see the boundaries of the garden extend. She feared, that she would be found out, as the shape of the garden was changing as a result from her indirect disobedience. But as she continued to observe, Man did not walk beyond the old borders she used to see. And she was able to walk in this extended part, and Man could not see her when she was in this outer space. She began digging a hole in the ground in this outer space she discovered. She held her breath and plucked a fruit off the infamous tree. She looked around and nothing seemed to be different, yet. She quickly brought the fruit to the hole, dropped it in, and buried it. Every sun cycle she would come back to her spot and care for the little sprouting that emerged. The more she would chew on the leaves of the tree, the more she saw in the planet around her. She saw deeper detail in the interaction between forms, the tendencies of motion, and the intelligence within every part of nature. The more she explored, the less she paid attention to the sun cycle they were supposed to adhere to. By night, she explored her surroundings through touch, sound, and scent. Yahweh was annoyed by her disregard for the sun cycle and threatened punishment if she did not continue to honor it.

Finally, her tree derivative began producing fruit. After making sure that Man and his creator were occupied, Woman sat beneath her tree and ate from the fruit. She looked about her and saw that all forms were comprised of smaller forms, and smaller forms yet. Little bits would fling about erratically bouncing into other bits inspiring new forms. LAW & Order were not maintaining everything, rather, tiny variances were uprising and reshaping forms, then all surrounding forms would readjust. The variances seemed to grow the balance just as the juice from the leaves grew the extents of the garden. She walked back within the boundaries and looked upon Man. She saw that it was within his nature to trust and admire, she could not share this with him. She looked upon Yahweh and immediately saw the other gods laughing at him and all his memories of humiliation. She began to grow curious about what powers he really had, and what, in this world of tiny bits, he could permanently impact. She felt sorry for Man. Why should he be condemned to being a fan instead of an inquisitive individual with original thought? He had no deeper curiosity about the nature of things than the explanation his creator had given him. And he was boring as fuck* to talk to. Woman knew if she tried discussing anything with Yahweh, he’d react defensively to her deeper knowledge.

*As she ate more fruit, Woman began developing new words that were not taught to her by Yahweh or Man; all the new words created by Woman were condemned as “obscenities” that should never be uttered.

Woman decided, “Well, if it’s my job to be bad, I intend to do that job well.” Then, out of sheer boredom, frustration, and defiance of this whole irrational scenario, she chose to openly eat fruit of The Tree of Knowledge for Man to see. He looked at her in horror, terrified of what might happen next. “I want for us to be free,” she said, and extended the fruit towards him. He did not want to defy his creator, but he didn’t want to be separated from her (especially since she taught him about the interaction of forms through physical demonstration). And why hadn’t the creator taught him about that joyous interaction? Could Woman teach him multiple levels of ecstasy that Yahweh would never even mention to him? Why was his creator so careful with the distribution of information? You guessed it, Woman had slipped him some juice from her tree earlier that day. Yahweh emerged triumphantly satisfied that Woman finally played into his plan and defied him. Before he could boom his condemnations, he saw Man quickly take the fruit, chew off a few chunks, and swallow. Man now smirked, Yahweh fumed, and Woman finally looked about her in awe.

What was Yahweh to do? He didn’t want to lose Man, yet if he didn’t adhere to his own LAW, he’d negate his own credibility. He banished Man & Woman from his garden – they would now only know the outer space and would not be able to see into the garden. He remembered his own words, thou shalt surely die. He never thought he’d have to kill his Man, only that wretched Woman. Was there any hope in this? Both Man & Woman must die, but he would give them an 800 year life cycle, within which they could reproduce and possibly bring about new innocence with Man’s purity that Yahweh could again enjoy. And speaking of cycles, now came the part he had rehearsed for . . . punishing the Woman:

“Since you are so defiant of LAWs and cycles, and since you are so fond of the darkness, I condemn your body to physical binds with cycles of the moon. With each cycle, may you suffer agonizing pain so that you don’t forget the supremacy of my order. And may it be bloody, and messy, and inconvenient.” And forced to address Man, he added, “and may it make you irritable and horrible to be around so that Man, too, must suffer. And may disturbing commercials emerge on your TVs selling an array of feminine products to deal with your unfortunate predicament as a constant reminder to Man of my wrath and vengeance. And may the children of Woman & Man constantly defy you as you have defied me so you may understand the pain of parenting ungrateful brats!”

And so it came to pass – yada, yada, yada – that existence & Kotex began as we know them. Woman, figured she’d not look for a loophole around her punishment as it was bearable and often a convenient excuse. Man was happy that he was able to stay with Woman and begin creating subjects/children of his own. Yahweh experienced mixed feelings, yet he was wholly entertained by the surprises the reproduced HUMAN offered (now he gets to sit back & play grandpa). The derivative of the Tree of Knowledge that Woman planted grew within the human realm and spread about the land in various forms of mind expanding plants and fungi. Generation after generation of HUMAN children would sometimes eat or smoke these plants & catch glimpses of the original garden and awareness of the depth and extents of nature just as their great, great, grandmother did. Oh and speaking of mothers, The Goddess of Chaos looked upon all with delight through a hole in the curtain that a random little erratic bit had created.

She would do everything in her power to secretly aide the success of Yahweh’s HUMAN project. Without knowing it, he had given his project the greatest chance for success by creating a HUMAN in the opposite of his own form. Seldom was this practiced by the gods, as they were all so narcissistic that they only created beings in their own forms. They continued to ignore their own egotistical fallacy in creation. They never created an appreciation for the other as part of the manifestation of the whole within their projects. As a matter of fact, the only time before Woman that god consciousness was created in the opposite of a deity’s image was when The Goddess of Chaos created Yahweh. He was the greatest success of any HUMAN project, although he’s still in the works. As he continued to look upon his children’s planet, he found himself growing more and more fond of the disobedient. Their inquisitive and creative nature made for the best entertainment. He began to understand that HUMAN’s tendency to destruct vs. ability to appreciate the other would determine the fate of that planet. His mother appeared at his side, and he finally became aware of his origins. He looked with mixed joy and sorrow at his children; he could no longer interfere. From this moment forward, his HUMAN project must create its own destiny. The Goddess of Chaos beamed at her own creation - the first complete successful Artificial God Consciousness just graduated to become a real God . . . Jiminy!

The hole in this plot is your playground; you determine the end of this myth . . . literally (whatever that means).

Moral of the story:

There’s more than one way to disobey . . . be creative!

Condemnations (because every good bible needs a shit list)

Dear Karl Rove & Super Friends:

As you slither around behind the curtains weaseling through the dark dusty corners of other people’s closets searching for & building the skeletons that will carry out their character assassinations, sniffing for or eating out the crevice that will crumble the mighty structure of value they have constructed, building faulty towers and destructing formidable ones – know . . .

Know that the silent little Tramp made his first talkie and spoke so powerfully that the once thought Great Dictator watched it – twice . . . . Twice! Know that. And know as you hide in the shadows, know as you hide from your own self realization that I see you. I see you in those first youthful moments when you realized your inadequateness – when you saw someone great in your midst and realized such greatness never existed in you. Yes & Shakespeare did see you hundreds of years ago – you’re no more than a recurring cliché that should have been phased out through evolution, except that you found a loophole. That evolutionary loophole strangled the progress of our entire species.

I see you in every moment that you’re faced with your own void of worth, and how you spread that void so nobody else will notice. I know you as the parasites of existence – you & Cheney and Rumsfeld and Ashcroft and George Jr. – all the catty bitches in corporate America – those power trip loving clerks at the DMV - the cops that bust the parties nobody would have invited them to. Nixon’s Scandal was a beacon of hope telling you that the system could be corrupted and the mediocre could steal everything that they would never earn. You understood that if you could not rise above, you could knock your opponent’s knees out from under him. You’re only chance for getting ahead is by holding the entire world back, and you intend to do just that. You are the bacteria, the cancerous cells of America – and you’ve conned your trusting hosts into believing that you’re helping them. But I see you – oh pathetic, toxic one. And though you will probably never read this – you may, just for a second, on some random day, catch a glint of my eyes reflecting what I see of you. And in that moment of realization will your sanity begin to crumble like Hitler’s did (not from the syphilis) and Regan’s did (not from the Alzheimer’s) – only because to finally see yourself as the beast you truly are is to pray for madness to forget that void you see within.

Yes, it’s only disturbing when you realize that you failed at hiding it after all, isn’t it? Well then avoid my stare for I see you as the scared, empty, feeble, weasely, worthless defect of creation that you are. I see how you burrowed your way into power to have revenge on the whole & healthy individuals whose natural success would render you obsolete. I see you and would show you all those secret little weaknesses that you work so hard at hiding from yourself. So take special care to never make eye contact with me – But if you ever do read this, be sure to read it twice.

P.S. Be sure to tell good ole’ Ashcroft that he should make special note of anyone reading this book (I’m sure he’s still lurking somewhere behind the scenes, voyeur that he is).

Sincerely,

Eva David (aka Zen Punkist)

To the Red States . . .

Fuck your Values

Stupid inbred red neck fucks

Wrecking our elections ‘cause your lives already suck

I know all you evangelical homophobes

Are the same as them Deliverance creepy folks

Waiting for a peace of ass to float upstream

So long as they don’t marry & live the American Dream

Here are some facts that you won’t understand

It’s warped Christians like yourself that lead the Klan

Serial Killers & molesters pride their values too

& most of them are bible-quoting whackos like you

I could pull out the stats – but you’d brush them away

So I’ll yell, “If Jesus were here to see you today -

He’d say, ‘like fuck I’m gonna die for these psycho freaks’

Then he’d come get stoned & watch TV with me”

Jesus doesn’t want to be represented by an idiot hick

Your concept of religion makes you sick

And your sickness pollutes all of our lives

And we’re sick of all your stupid righteous lies

Let’s talk about why you really hate minorities, thinking, & sex

Could it possibly be your inferiority complex?

You’re so pathetic you want to bring down the world

Why not try some self-improvement or distance from the herd?

I refuse to live at the mercy of your ignorance

So I declare a Civil War – it’s our last defense

I hope during your evolutionary regression,

You forget how to breathe & learn your lesson

FUCK YOUR VALUES

You stupid shit!

FUCK YOUR VALUES

Get over it!

To all the homophobes that made it out to vote ignorance over anal sex:

To be sung by the cutest little red-headed orphan you know . . .

Your son will come out, tomorrow

Bet you our whole deficit that tomorrow

He’ll say he’s gay.

And when your son comes out, tomorrow

Gonna hang your head down in sorrow

And shaaaaaaaaaaaaaaame!

Tomorrow, tomorrow,

You’ll get yours, tomorrow

Your own dumb hatred’s to blame!

This whole section is so not Zen, but sometimes, rising above things just makes it easier for them to fuck you up the ass. The most peaceful, complete, enlightened and in touch people throughout history are constantly those who become subjugated . Ironically, their ability to rise above reacting to the weaker, child-like, ego trapped, less evolved dominator/imperialist creatures that should be forgiven for they “know not what they do” enables their own downfall. Allowing this to continue creates so much net suffering in the universe that we’re betraying our own nature and destructing our ecosystem by not enacting the equal and opposite reaction to restore balance.

Our most natural reaction might be the most appropriate as it shows the actor the natural effect of his actions – so he may have a more valid idea of what consequences to expect should he choose to do it again. Many times we subdue our natural reactions for fear of the counteractions of that reaction. We elect instead inaction without considering the type of future actions our inaction enabled and how drastically those consequences can toxify our universe. Pacification of the true nature of the people is a macrocosmic crime.

Sometimes my brain gets sick and vomits all over an otherwise perfectly good piece of paper and this is what it looks like:

Just in case people begin to take me seriously, I thought I’d demonstrate exactly how pathetic I can be. Reader’s liberation through Writer’s humiliation – you deserve to know just how geeky I am.

I walk into the bathroom at work after a weekend of intense epiphanies involving possible evolutionary progression towards an expanding universe or regression towards a black hole. I look in the mirror & my eyes look weird. I can’t tell if it’s because I’ve become enlightened or because of the Tylenol Allergy & Sinus pills I took earlier that morning. The thought amuses me. I love bathrooms.

The Inconvenience of Sexual Deviance

I’m driving my car at night & it’s a full moon, the stars are super bright, and the whole night sky looks so sublime. The iridescent light of that huge moon plays along the edges of the black, thick storm clouds that sweep across it. The contrast is so beautiful and unreal that I actually start to get aroused & realize that I want to make love to that sky. How am I supposed to make love to the sky? Why do I have to be such a freak - I can’t have normal sexually deviant thoughts? It’s not the first time. It’s been all this week – all the rain is doing something to me. It was raining the other day and I just wanted to go outside & well . . . I don’t know. And then, a couple days later I was driving again during daylight this time, I looked up, gray thick storm clouds this time – and all I could think of was how I wanted to glide my tongue along the underbelly of those clouds. AND – I hear my favorite music and I want to make love to that – not the musicians – no that would be too easy, then I could just be a groupie. Uh uh, my urges have to be entirely unreasonable. Not even inanimate things, nope, try abstract things. What’s wrong with me? Is it from my attempts to become more universally conscious? Did I take one too many hallucinogens? Maybe I just really need to pick up a book on Tantric Sex. I’m listening to the Flaming Stars CD, driving, looking at that seductive sky and track 12 comes on. That song always makes me think of having slow, sweet sex on a swing in a park after dark – with a guy. That’s kind of normal right? I look up, wondering again how I would even begin to satisfy my abstract desires. All of the sudden I see a falling star. I never see those! I thought it was sweet and all, but I still didn’t come.

Straight Marriage

(This will piss you all off – try to make it through to the end – it’s an entire thought process)

I woke up, looked around and nothing made sense anymore. I have a Calphalon pot rack with Calphalon pots & pans on it that were a great deal but not dishwasher safe so I never use them. Same with my fancy Calphalon knife set – I still use the plastic set I have up in a cabinet. I would have never bought the shit anyways – my wedding registry had to pass my family’s inspection and my husband wanted this crap – like he ever cooks. I have this adorable, needy, annoying 4lb mini yorkie that would die if something ever happened to me. I have these lizards that I neglect. I have this husband that I’ve lived with for the past 8 years and am supposed to be enthused about living with for the rest of my life. Attachments hinder motion, and the body is made to move. I’m 25 years old and I want to run away again – like I did when I was a kid. I’m happily married but bothered by the idea of settling down; I want more – Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs – or just plain greed. The more you have, the more you can afford to want. The goal of stability seems like a formulated distraction that you sleep walk towards. Who set this up while I was sleeping? Like a mean trick. It seems so absurd – it could only be a nasty joke. I try to sneak away – like when you try to pull your arm out from under a loved one who has fallen asleep on you – but I’m not sneaky enough. My husband is hurting and regressing into bad habits as he senses my withdrawal. My dog is depressed, and my lizards are worried – though I’ve been able to get rid of some of them.

The more I learn the less makes sense. Big middle finger to Eva saying fuck you kiddo – this is your life stop trying to change it. Chris Rock – “single & lonely or married & bored.” I’m married & bored & lonely & mad!! How did I let this happen? Why do I wake up now – now while I’m entangled in this mess! And I could just leave – I could even get over the thank you cards I still haven’t sent out for the wedding gifts I got. I couldn’t get over the hurt that I would cause. None of my petty goals are worth creating so much pain for my husband and my stupid dog. Damn mean nasty trick, how the fuck did I fall for it? Why does everyone fall for the stupid stability and permanence delusions?

Everyone tells me to just stop thinking all the time – take a vacation from my thoughts. That’s the type of shit that makes it so easy for them to trick us. I’d rather suffer & see all the absurdity. You stupid sneaky fuckers!! I need a band. I need to start. I can keep writing – I can keep on with all the projects. Focus all my energy on that – it should buy me some time. Maybe my husband & I could grow into new more compatible minds during that time. Creation is what you come to when loneliness leaves you in the mind to design company. This is how it all begins – something from nothing – creation from boredom. Home in the desolate travels of the mind – a new space. When the ideas become concrete they can keep my thoughts company – and I don’t have to be bored anymore. Just creating – all the time creating until my heart feels full again. Will it ever feel full? When someone finds company in your creation is that the beginning of a new universe? Interaction filling the emptiness, artistic conversation sounding across the silence to birth a speck among the void. Something from nothing – existence begins. I don’t want a family; I want inspiration. I don’t want to birth another human; I want to birth another universe. I don’t want to increase our population; I want to extend the limits of consciousness. I want to make a future that we can escape into and get away from all this nonsense. It’s all nonsense, and I can’t stand it.

Oh, but in the mean time . . .

I want epic sexual adventures involving impressive characters

I want to feel cosmos collide as He throbs inside me

Evolutionary ejaculations

Ontological orgasms

I want to be shaken & stirred

I want to gasp & quiver

I want to see all the elliptical orbits I’m part of by pulsating against & around another heavenly being. I want to swirl my tongue all over a body that’s never been appropriately worshipped. I want to place the most perfect little kisses all over a deserving face.

I want to bite nice

I want to glide my fingernails across the curves & lines

I want to do the sweetest little dirty things that will impress upon the cellular memory of the next 8 generations. I want to transmit vibrations that knock planets off their axis.

I just want to do someone besides my husband for a change . . . for galactic change.

You know . . . the good bad thing.

What type of man would deny his wife of such a reasonable request/quest? What type of man would deny the universe such quantifiable glory? Certainly no man that I’d marry . . . not while I was awake anyway.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my husband, and he pleases me perfectly. I just hate the concept of being married; it seems so unnatural. Society deems that 2/5 of our senses must be reserved for the exploration of one person and one person only. Then, my one person is extremely ticklish, so I’m further limited to contact with only about 15% of his body (guess what the majority of that would be?). Plus, when you’re with someone for over 8 years, he becomes so familiar, it’s almost familial and that’s a little creepy – unless you’re into that kind of thing. Consciousness expands through our interactions with others, thus limitations on those interactions suppress the evolution of our species. So you see, it’s my lust for progress that drives my desire for variety. A slut for the cause, is that so wrong? And, I think of sex as worship of the human form divine, so it doesn’t make sense to be polytheistic & monogamous.

So here I am with all this love ready to exude confined to such limited space. Not that it much matters anyways. I mean, while you pour that kind of love over other body parts, what guy wouldn’t be thinking, ‘uh could you hurry it up and make your way over to my cock?’ Cocks are cute and fun to play with and all. . . It just seems so tragic to have an entire body of wasted surface area at the mercy of nerve endings in a few inches of wrinkles – when peptides of every cell in your body can be penetrating receptors in every cell of another body shuddering against you in ecstasy. To each his/her own I guess. And the rise of homosexuality remains a mystery . . . isn’t it just economic realignment of like interests? Whatever.

I picked up these books called Tantric Ecstasy and Samurai Chess. My husband is interested in reading both and experimenting on the theories with me. I still think it’s unnatural to limit your interactions to one person. But I sure picked the only one person who knows how to keep me & make me like staying. Plus, his eyeball squeaks when he rubs it – how many men come with that feature standard? Alas, I partake in yet another system that I denounce. Count ‘em folks . . . Eva sells out again! Screw you – I never said that I wasn’t a hypocrite.

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